Oh, the number one question for astrologers: relationships. Astrologers are asked to understand what in the chart makes a relationship work, what causes a relationship to fail? When we are young, Eros dominates and we just go for it, but as we mature, the more we become weary of what happens when dating goes wrong, the more cautious we become in choosing our prospective life partners. For many millenia marriages were arranged. It was astrologers who were counted on to help arrange successful relationships. Now relationships are romantically based, they are ruled by Eros. Eros is the principle of passionate love. Eros by definition comes and goes, it is the thrill and rush of initial hormones that cause the wildness of youth and the impulse of lust to bring forth crazy wild eyed rug rats that are our the future. Successful long term relationships though rely on Pragma. Pragma is the love that comes from acceptance and familiarity over time. Pragma can not be found instantly, it is something that must develop over time, with its development then the form of Love known as Familia can occur, that is family relationship that is the basis of the wholeness of the family experience.
Astrology accounts for the movements of Eros and the possibility of Pragma within the chart. Eros is found in the motions and symbolic presentations of Mars and Venus. For a relationship to have spark, romance, be capable of causing train wrecks in life, it must have Venus and Mars aspects. Trines and conjunctions are the most dangerous, the magnetism of them will at the very least throw you for an emotional a ride when they come along, if not sabotage your entire comfortable existence.
I love Eros, Venus is strong but tortured in my own chart, because it rules the midheaven, but is in fall in Virgo. Thus when people come to me for readings and I see Venus and Mars aspecting, I am thrilled. But alas, it is not always the best thing, because Eros by nature burns, it is an all consuming desire that overwhelms the body and minds of mortals. One must be a Hero, a Bodhisattva, a Buddha or a Saint to truly resist the Gods Mars and Venus when they strike. It is very difficult. Having them aspecting between two people is a great start to a relationship, because Eros will always allow you to come back and find the love through physical interaction if it is present in the chart. Make no mistake though, Eros comes and goes, and that is the danger. If your relationship is founded on Eros, then what happens when its not there? What happens when the transits of your life story push the Eros out, boredom happens. If you are of the cult of Eros, at that time, you will leave the relationship, and if you have children, houses, cars, mutual assets…well, then a lawyer is going to make some money off of your divine comedy. What is the medicine for Eros in the world of love and astrology?
Pragma is the medicine for Eros. Pragma is the form of love that endures compared to the passions of Eros. Pragma is the understanding that builds over many years of friendship and trust. It is found in the chart by the motions and locations of the luminaries. The Sun and the Moon are essence planets of the chart, and when they interact by trine or by conjunction, they indicate a long term understanding between two people. This long term understanding grows into a mutual affection through knowing one another. This is why astrologers always seek Moon and Sun aspects in relationship charts, because it means the people represented by the two charts will have understanding and thus be able to stay together in a loving and harmonious relationship despite the comings and goings of lust. This will outlast the movements of Eros, helping to avoid the costly lawyer fees associated with the ups and downs of Eros.
Now if you are looking for love, looking for a soul mate, looking for someone to help you raise your children, looking for someone to be there for you when you retire, someone you can walk on the beach with when you face is wrinkled from many revolutions around the sun, then you really want both Eros and Pragma in the synastry charts. But if you can only have one, and you want it to last, then you want Pragma, that is the lasting quality that develops over time.
Why not have a relationship reading. Special this month during the time of Libra, $125, find out how to make your eros into pragma!
Heralded by the New York Times and Time magazine as the couple therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world. In HOLD ME TIGHT, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from Recognizing the Demon Dialogue to Revisiting a Rocky Moment-and uses them as touchpoints for seven healing conversations. Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.